


Burn 'em Up

by rybari



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-05
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-04 06:58:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rybari/pseuds/rybari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the Game is won and Kids are rewarded with a copy of Earth; Puberty is reversed and so to are the mortality of certain individuals; an unforeseen outcome that is unwanted becomes inevitable; Jade Harley moves in with Dave Strider and navigates the intricacies of a life outside of a game construct; and a lot of time shenanigans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dave blinked blearily as the setting sun shot rays straight into his eyes, clearing out the bright white flashes, and dropped feet-first onto the floor of his room. He staggered and pinwheeled his arms for balance, gripping his old table (and there was all the equipment he’d piled there three years earlier) and digging his fingers into the plastic. Then he heard the tapping of keys and whipped around.

It looked like someone was in his room, hunching over his computer; he couldn’t see past the sunspots and the post-SBURB fireworks that had been burned into his eyes (useless shades). The person straightened up, walked over and pushed Dave onto the bed, and resumed clicking around on his comp.

He struggled to try and get his arms under him and get up but he was damn tired, and the figure wasn’t trying to kill him. He could hear the familiar dings of pesterchum as if through a wall of cotton. Christ, he was out of it-even lifting his hand felt like picking up a two-ton weight. The figure was still intently typing and he/she/it was then silent, tried again. Dave drifted in a sort of half-sleep and succumbed to a black wave of exhaustion just as his door banged open and someone yelled. Good,he thought distantly, someone else can deal with it.  
\---  
He woke up an hour later, when someone sat on his bed. He mumbled-he was so tired, didn’t anyone realize that- and was rewarded with someone flicking his forehead.

“Ow, fuck!” he swore, bolting upright. Laughter to his right, and he turned drowsily to get revenge.

He met his brother’s eyes, behind his stupid shades, and that was his stupid baseball cap, and his stupid popped collar, and his stupid fingerless gloves and his stupid anime hair and Dave stupidly stared at him before clinging like he was five years old and his Bro was his last bottle of aj.

“Woah there,” puffed Bro, and Dave squeezed tighter because he could hear that voice thrumming through his unstabbed chest, without a gurgle of blood and thick half-breaths warping it into not-alive. “Man, you got clingy while I was dead.”

“Shut up.” Dave muttered, and with a little more hesitation Bro hugged him back, resting his cheek on Dave’s head.

“Missed you, assmunch.” 

“You die again and I will burn all your smuppets in a goddamn bonfire, asshat.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you twice.”

“God,” Bro shuddered, and sniffled, “What a day, huh?”

Dave frowned and pulled back, wiping his eyes a little (he wasn’t crying) and pushing his shades up so that he could stare. “Try three years! Where the fuck’ve you been?”

“I…” Bro blinked. Swallowed. “Oh, fuck, are you serious?”

“No, I totally just made that up. Yeah, I’m serious. I’m sixteen now.” he pumped a bicep, but Bro was still staring. “What?”

He talked slowly. “Look little dude, I don’t know if you just turn out the same scrawny squirt three years down the track, but you’re looking pretty young for sixteen.”

Oh. Dave immediately looked down his shirt. Goodbye, chest hair, we hardly knew ye. (A part of him, which sounded too much like Rose, said snippily that he didn’t really have much to begin with.) “Okay, minor setback.”  
A really inelegant snort caused him to look up, and Bro had also put up his glasses. His eyes were rimmed red and leaking, and another snort came out. Then he clapped his hand to his mouth. “God, sorry, but your face.”

“This is not how I was picturing the reunion, dude. Respect!” Dave threw a pillow at his Bro’s head and took vicious enjoyment in how it beaned off his nose. Then the shock wore off, and-to his disgust-he cried.  
So did Bro.  
\--  
ectoBiologist [EB]opened memo on board WE ACTUALLY DID IT!!!!!!!!  
EB: get in here and celebrate!   
EB: you know, after you’re done reuniting with your family.   
EB: i just want a headcount!   
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo.  
TT: Seer present and accounted for.   
gardenGnostic [GG] responded to memo.  
GG: the witch has arrived!   
EB: ok awesome.   
EB: so you guys made it.   
EB: where’s dave?   
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo.  
TG: dont get your panties in a twist eggy  
EB: dave.   
EB: we agreed that was literally the worst nickname in the world.   
TG: mine was worse  
EB: the tiny texan is not only accurate, but alliterate!   
EB: alliterates  
EB: rose how would you say that?   
TT: It’s alliteration, and both nicknames are horrible.   
GG: (shes just saying that because she hasnt gotten over rosie)   
TG: and how the tables turn  
TT: Maybe I should take a leaf out of my mother’s book and call you ‘jadey’.   
GG: nooooo that sounds dumb!   
EB: not as dumb as eggy, come on!   
GG: no that one is cute  
GG: because your last name is egbert  
GG: and your head is egg-shaped  
EB: NO IT ISN’T!!!!!!!!   
TG: omg owned  
GG: whereas daves head is shaped like a football :)   
TT: A brilliant deduction.   
TG: i call bs judge  
TT: The judge ignores you because you are an ass.   
EB: motion passed!   
GG: you guys know i was kidding right  
TG: no we didnt  
TG: my head is literally shaped like a football  
TG: stitching and all  
TG: like wow son that sure is an unfortunate position there  
TG: kids in the playground wanting to use me in their football games  
TG: kicking the ole pigskin into the basket  
TG: little do they realize that I am actually the ball  
TG: its me  
GG: ok petition for daves new nickname to be football-head  
TT: Seconded.   
EB: thirded.   
TG: nope’d  
EB: ok ok let’s stop being asses and actually get down to business.   
TG: we won the game nooksniffer i dont think theres business left  
GG: yeah what are you talking about?   
EB: we’re talking about you, jade!   
GG: what  
TT: John and I pestered each other a few minutes ago when Mother and Mr. Egbert wanted to say hello to each other.   
TT: We suddenly hit upon the topic of you.   
GG: what about me???   
EB: well for starters you cant live on the island forever  
GG: i guess? but where would i go?   
GG: i mean its not like i havent thought of leaving someday  
GG: but i cant rent my own place yet im not eighteen  
TT: We want you to live with one of us.   
TT: So that you could go to school, and we could all have a fighting chance at meeting up at least twice a year.   
EB: yeah! dad and ms. lalonde say that it’s no trouble at all!   
TT: They’ve actually been fighting for the honor of having you stay.  
EB: (she means we’ve been fighting.)   
TT: Shut up.   
TG: i literally just talked to bro and he says that its cool if you wanna stay here  
TG: he also says that i should mention that Houston is a) warmer and b) better than new york or washington fyi  
GG: guuuuuys!   
GG: you dont have to do this for me!!   
GG: gosh im tearing up a little!   
EB: ok benefits of living in washington:   
EB: we have snow, im your biological brother and your technical cousin, it isnt as far to fly to, we’ve already lived together so it isn’t weird, and dad bakes cakes just like nanna!   
GG: oh dear nannasprite’s cakes WERE really really good!   
TT: No, you should live with me. You would live on the outskirts of New York City, and cohabitate with a famous scientist who would be happy to share lab equipment with you.   
TT: We also have enough space for you to set up your own.   
TT: Also we’ve spent the least time together, and it would be fun. My mother is insufferable when she loses.   
GG: that sounds nice too!   
EB: (rose means she’s the one who’s insufferable)   
TT: John, if I were able to punch you right now, I would.   
TG: ok well fancy bullshit aside  
TG: remember it is actually warm in Houston  
TG: the music scene is p good  
TG: washington is boring and new york is overrated  
TG: also were in the middle of the usa so rose and john would have to come to us.   
TG: whatll it be  
TT: Don’t pressure her!   
GG: Hmmmm  
GG: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
GG: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
GG: ok so normally id say i was overwhelmed because you guys kind of sprung this on me and suddenly made me choose between the three of you  
GG: and id take at LEAST a few days to think about it  
GG: (and it would be really nerve-wracking because no matter who i chose someone would get offended!)   
GG: HOWEVER!   
GG: dave beat all of you and messaged me the second we got out of the game!   
TG: i did  
EB: you did?   
TT: Damn it.   
GG: yeah a future version  
EB: striiiiiiiideeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!!!!!!!   
TT: That is so unfair, you dick.   
TG: haha score for future me  
TG: so should i go back now or  
GG: nope! i dont really know what time you go back but it sounded like a very very very long time in the future!   
TG: welp im not complaining  
TG: it does explain that dude who was in my room before  
GG: a dude in your room???   
TG: yeah id just gotten back from the game and i was assfuck tired  
TG: so i couldnt even get a good look at him  
TG: sounds like from your story it was me so good job me i guess  
EB: this is still unfair and also confusing.   
TT: I concur.   
GG: but its a thing thats happening now!   
TG: ok awesome  
TT: Well, Mother is telling me to go to sleep.   
TT: I am assfuck tired as well.   
EB: this isnt over! we’re talking about this in the morning!   
TT: Well, I can lose gracefully. Jade, is this what you really want?   
GG: i am ninety-nine percent positive!   
TT: Good enough for me.   
EB: SIIIIIGH  
EB: well if its what you want, jade, then i’ll let it slide!   
EB: also, dave.   
TG: what?   
EB: this is my sister we’re talking about.   
EB: if you are not a perfect gentleman then i will destroy you.   
GG: dont take him seriously hes been wanting to act like an overprotective brother since he found out we were related  
EB: shhhhhuuush!   
EB: you ruined my cred, jade!   
EB: >:B  
TG: like hell id do anything like that god  
GG: ouch, dave, ouch  
TG: what? oh shit  
TG: no i wasnt implying  
TG: you are a perfectly fine gal and  
TG: im digging myself deeper arent i  
TT: I’ll go get my clipboard  
TT: AFTER I’ve had a good nights’ sleep.   
TG: were not going to school are we  
TG: i literally cannot remember a goddamn thing  
TT: I’m taking sick leave for the rest of the week.   
EB: same.   
TG: ok i am going to work that out with bro real quick  
TT: We’ll have a group study session, and bring Jade up to speed as well.   
GG: cooooool!!!   
TG: ugh studying can we not  
EB: i agree can’t we just bask in the glory of SAVING THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE????   
EB: you know that thing we did where we were REALLY AWESOME???   
TT: Do you want to fail your classes?   
EB: no.   
TG: yes  
TT: Dave.   
TG: okay okay fine  
TG: shit lets be studious  
TT: I am falling asleep at my keyboard now, so I’m leaving.   
TG: ok im outtie as well  
GG: wait when are we going to talk again?   
EB: ok how about  
EB: oh jeez i haven’t thought about timezones in like forever  
TG: i say 7am your time  
GG: okay thats good with me!   
TT: Isn’t that somewhere around three in the morning?   
GG: yes! i even have the dress for it heehee  
GG: no in all seriousness i need to get acclimatized to dave’s house and im already really tired so i could go to sleep right now  
TT: That settles it. I shall meet you all bright and early at ten.   
TG: and nine for me, this is a hella sweet deal  
EB: aaaaand the prospit twins get the short end of the stick.   
GG: bluh im going to sleep now  
GG: lets stop talking  
TT: Agreed.   
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased responding to memo  
TG: see y’all  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased responding to memo  
gardenGnostic [GG] ceased responding to memo  
EB: ok don’t forget!   
ectoBiologist [EB]ceased responding to memo

\--  
Dave woke up the most disoriented he’d ever felt in his entire life. He clutched his sheets in sudden paralysis, and watched the early morning light seep into the room, filtered by photos he’d hung up to the light and clouds that blocked the usually too-bright spring sun. He craned his head to look at familiar-unfamiliar posters that he’d pasted up a few months ago this time, a lifetime away some other time (an alpha time?). The clock in his computer read eight-fifty-eight (false, it was actually eight-fifty-nine and thirty-two and a half seconds, thank you useless superpower), and when he moused over it the date sprang up; April 14, 2009.  
It wasn’t a dream.

He sprang out of his room and leaned on the door and burst into the living room, where he found Bro sitting cross-legged on his futon, his hair still mussed from sleep but otherwise alert as a kid on Christmas morning. “Sup?”

“S-sup,” Dave managed, and then he scratched his arm awkwardly. A tiny part of him calmed down the rest of him which had been blaring alarm bells about the size of Jupiter and shrieking profanities in big gray letters.  
Bro stretched, as if he even needed to, and cricked his neck. “Well, your friends get online sometime soon, right?”

“Oh.” Dave said. Then he retreated swiftly to his room, and could hear Bro’s dry cackle as he went. Feeling slightly more rebellious than usual, he poked his head back into the living room. “I met younger you, by the way. You couldn’t rap for shit.”

That stopped the laughter and would earn him about an hour of sparring later, but Dave actually didn’t give a crap and pulled up pesterchum.

tentacleTherapist [TT] opened memo on board WE ACTUALLY DID IT!!!!!!!!  
TT: Bonjour, tout le monde.   
TT: Google translate, I am pleased to report, still exists.   
TT: Things that also still exist: us, the Universe, our respective guardians, brie cheese, and the state of Denmark.   
TT: Whether something of questionable freshness lies there is yet unknown.   
TT: But Earth in its entirety still exists, thank goodness, and whoever came up with the plan to copy it was a genius.   
ectoBiologist [EB]responded to the memo  
EB: thank you, thank you, ill be here all week  
EB: though it’s weird, even SBURB still exists as well!   
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo  
TG: sweet  
gardenGnostic [GG] responded to memo  
GG: really????   
TG: thats great  
TG: who wants to load it up  
GG: can we please not load it  
GG: just  
GG: i would feel really dumb if we go back into the Game right after winning it  
EB: same here.   
EB: ok so aside from SBURB still being a thing we also came back at April 13, 4:13 my time  
GG: so everything since you entered hasn’t happened?   
TT: It looked like a typical, non-meteor-riddled evening last night.   
TT: My house is still intact as well, and there’s not a trace of fire.   
TG: oh yeah i remember that  
TG: also how the fuck do you have a whole waterfall on your goddamn property jesus h christ  
EB: anything else out of the ordinary?   
TG: my bro is weirded out by the fact we met a younger alternate version of him  
EB: yeah but…  
EB: anyone would be weirded out by that.   
GG: …i miss all of them already :C  
TT: Me too.   
TG: yeah i almost miss karkats dumbass screaming  
TG: and my bro’s dumb gay drama  
TT: And Kanaya’s…  
TT: Everything, really.   
EB: same here. but for everyone.  
EB: but we have to make our lives that much better!   
EB: if we live as awesomely as we can then it’s like we’re honoring their memory?   
EB: something like that.   
EB: god that sounded dumb.   
TT: No, it’s sweet.   
GG: yeah!   
GG: and anyway karkat probably said the same thing to the trolls. only dumber.  
TG: he would have cried  
TG: entire full tears  
TG: did you know that troll crying is color-themed too  
TG: it was like seeing an exorcism whenever he watched troll Will Smith  
EB: oh my god  
TG: legit  
EB: okay one: pictures if you have them  
EB: two: first order of business  
EB: jade how are you going to get to daves house?   
GG: oh thats easy peasy!   
GG: i can ask bec to teleport me! in fact i was late to the chat because i was packing.   
TT: Packing?   
GG: yeah! all my lady stuff.   
TT: I see.   
EB: gross  
TG: definitely a tmi moment  
GG: what theres nothing gross about a particle stabilizer!!! or my uranium deposit!!!   
TG: yeah ok how about you cool it on the uranium  
TG: all that radioactive shit aint good for anyone  
GG: what? if youre sure…  
GG: i can always use it at my house instead anyways.   
GG: see you soon!   
gardenGnostic [GG] has ceased responding to the memo.  
TG: wait does that mean  
TG: jade wha  
TG:   
turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased responding to memo.

That was the understatement of the year. In an eye-blinding flash of neon green, Jade suddenly fell out of thin air, her arms encircling a huge-and he means fucking huge-white blur, right on top of him. He toppled from his stool just from the blast and narrowly avoided splitting his head open on his hard drive, and then wheezed as Jade landed on his stomach, and then Bec licked his face from chin to forehead.

“Dave! Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!” she gasped, immediately getting off him. The shock of being able to breathe made him cough. “Oh no! I told Bec to go to Dave, but I didn’t say Dave’s room, so I guess he just decided-”

Dave held up a hand, and struggled to sitting position. “It’s-wheeze-it’s fine, Harls.”  
She beamed. Then she threw herself at Dave, hugging him tightly. “Oh my gosh, Dave, Dave, Dave, we’re in real life now!!”

This was when he really hit his head on his hard drive, but she didn’t seem to notice. Jade sat up again and slapped her forehead. “I forgot my stuff! Be back in a sec!”

She held Bec firmly and was gone in another blinding flash, and Dave had just started to collapse onto his bed before there was a telltale green blinker and he threw himself out of the way, narrowly avoiding the butt of a rifle. Then he watched as a rain of bullets clattered down, and then a bass, which he caught before it skewered a duffel bag full of what looked to be the contents of a nuclear physics lab.  
Then Jade appeared again with another rifle strapped to her back. She grinned brightly.  
It was going to be a very long day.


	2. Chapter 2

“Before you stay at Casa Strider, there are some house rules.” Bro said.

Dave raised his hand. “Since when did we have _house rules?_ ”

“Since for-fucking-ever. Anyway, Jade.” He counted it out on his fingers. “No sex, no drugs, no alcohol, and no pop music unless it’s Top 40s. Lights out at midnight. Capisce?”

“What’s Capisce?” she asked, her hands still tangled in Bec’s fur.

“It means do you understand my awesome house rules?”

She puffed out her cheeks. “Why do I have to go to bed at midnight?”

“Because I am the King of the Mountain, the fat lady who sings, the President, the down-on-his-luck baseball coach who has a heart of gold, the LAPD, NYPD, and Houston’s Finest in this apartment. You,” and here Bro poked her nose hard enough for her to rub it, “and you,” he flicked Dave on the forehead, which stung, “are not even the Robin to my Batman. You are the Alfred to my Batman. I will care for and nourish you, but in the end, The Night goes wherever it goddamn pleases, and Alfred stays at home and does butler things.”

“I didn’t understand that,” mumbled Jade, “but you’re not gonna let me stay up, are you?”

Bro cocked his head to one side. “I like this kid.” he proclaimed, mussing up her hair. Or he tried to.

Bec, who had until now done nothing , materialized around Bro’s wrist and Bro stumbled, falling into the dog-shaped hole. Dave blinked as his Bro then fell from the ceiling straight onto the futon. Bec licked a paw.

Jade swatted Bec’s ear. “Sorry! I think he needs time to adjust to new people.” she knotted her hands deeper in Bec, which drew a startled _yip_ from him. For a few seconds, all was silence as Bro slowly stood up and adjusted his shades in a suitably melodramatic manner.

He held up a finger. “New house rule. Devildog is in if I get to fight him.”

Dave and Jade looked at each other, and he bit his cheek to stop from laughing and Jade muffled her grin in dog.

In the end, it didn’t take long to make a space for Jade. Bro slept on the futon, and Dave slept in the other room, and since it was the penthouse it was easy to find a place to put her up. Bro even helped her screw some pegs into her wall so that she could have her rifles at easy access above her bed (which had been terrifying to watch appear, and it took the coordinated efforts of Jade and Bec to make sure it didn’t stick into the walls). Jade had already set up a window box and hanging plant pots and half her observatory was currently on the roof. Then Jade plunked herself beside Dave’s computer, where everyone had just finished downloading some weird Skype program in order to video-chat.

Two other slightly grainy and badly focused squares popped up and Rose and John and their parents waved-which killed the picture, there were huge squares of destroyed pixels crapping up the screen-and John was talking excitedly and Rose was trying to talk over him and Jade laughed and she waved too, which was too much for the shitty chat client and it shut down the call.

But eventually the call was made, Skype crapped out four times, and plans happened. Rose set up more times for studying, to the loud remonstrations of her mother who “wanted some qwuality toime, Rosie, you can twalk to your friends _lay-_ ter.” Dave and Jade and John’s eyebrows shot up (Ms. Lalonde had a _Brooklyn accent_ , of all things, and Dave had to bite his cheek to stop from laughing because how did that voice spawn Rose’s careful NY standard, _how_ ) but that was nothing compared to the looks that happened when Bro opened his mouth because, while the Striders were Texans, that did not prepare anyone for the gravelly Dixie that poured out of Bro, which killed John. He fell out of the frame laughing. Rose looked ready to retaliate when suddenly a booming “ _CAN WE ADDRESS THE ISSUE AT HAND”_ cut across the chatter.

John’s dad pointed out that nothing was set in stone yet. With a mumble of agreement, the adults all flashed thumbs-up to all the kids, and then John’s dad had to go to work, and Rose’s Mom had to as well (she usually showed up late because she owned the lab and was the only reason it still ran, so she assured everyone that basically nothing was going to happen without her). Bro retreated to his recording studio.

They decided that a whole day of studying was not what they wanted to do on their _first day back from the Game and on an Earth that’s actually real holy shit_ and John said he was going to look around. Rose waved goodbye shortly after, and Dave and Jade sat watching a blank screen.

“So.” Dave said. “I got a twenty burning a hole in my pocket. Wanna go see Houston?”

Jade brightened exponentially. “A real people city?!” She fizzed around the edges. “I’ve only been to Prospit!”

“Prospit ain’t got _nothin’_ on Houston.” Dave smirked, and opened the door for her. “Miss Witch.”

“Sir knight.” She had to try very hard not to giggle.

As they walked down the stairs she got a little fidgety. Jade came back very differently from when he’d last saw her, at the height of her powers, a carbon copy of when he’d last last seen her. For one thing, she was once again hummingbird-thin and he could fit his finger and thumb around her wrist. She had those deep purple smudges under her eyes again, and her hair was beginning to show the curl that would dominate in three years. In another world, which was two-hours-thirteen-minutes-forty-two-seconds and three years ago, she would be decked out in a galaxy dress and frog slime.

“I’ll race you to the bottom!” She took him by surprise and jumped down whole flights of stairs, frizzing with green sparks. Dave followed a little slower, and avoided the security guard’s stare as he sloped past. He could see through the glass of the door Jade was stock-still, probably drinking in the sunshine. Dave cracked a smile.

Upon stepping out from the shadow of the building, seeing a real _yellow_ sun, with a real blue sky (not generated and smacking of pixels), Dave was hit by a wall of sound.

There were cars blaring, buses rattling, trees rustling in a stiff wind, and people. There were so many people of different faces and shapes and heights that he took a small step back, and he felt a crawling sensation all over his shoulders and stomach. His gaze slipped without gray skin and orange horns, or pasty white Lalonde colors, or-he whipped his gaze back to Jade and he bit off a curse.

If it was bad for him, Jade had it a million times worse. She was shaking. Dave pulled her back, and that seemed to break the spell.

They retreated to the stairwell and she gasped, finally, leaning against the rough cement wall. “I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered, “I just-I never really, I mean-!”

“Me too.” he said, gripping the stair banister so hard his knuckles were turning white. A trucker blared his horn and they both jumped.

Jade laughed a nervous, breathy, not-Jade laugh, and it pierced him through. “I wasn’t this scared when we were facing down Lord English.”

“Liar.” he took a deep breath, and gingerly let go of the banister. “Okay. We can do this.”

Jade grabbed his hand. He stared down at her fingers, which were rough and chapped, and she led them both out of the building. This time, though, they kept walking. Dave took the lead, jerking her over to the right side of the sidewalk. His gaze skittered over every which way, caught by a particular dark green, or a baseball hat ( _dumbass,_ he thinks _, Bro is okay_ ) or the way people hunched over, or the outline of a gun against someone’s jacket, or anyone who stared too long at them, and then he squeezed Jade’s hand so that she didn’t shiver so much.

They only walked a block. There was a record shop/music store (each greasy twentysomething working in the store said something different when prompted) which was air-conditioned, which was nice when the sky was a hot blue burning and Houston wanted to be an ass about late spring. Jade hadn’t gotten the memo-she was bundled in a long sleeve shirt and an ankle-brushing skirt-but she gave a small, happy sigh when they entered. Immediately he dropped their hands and made a beeline for the wall, where disc-players were synced up and waiting, and she trailed behind him slowly, too busy staring at famous records framed on the wall, or the millions of discs lined up on plastic foldout tables. Dave clicked through a selection of bad indie music until he found John Lennon, and beckoned her over.

“Jade, listen to this.” he called, and she carefully placed the headphones over her ears.

“Oh!” she said suddenly. “It’s soundmuffs!”

“What?” he asked.

“You know. Earmuffs with sound!” she pointed to them. “This is really great! Can you hear it too?”

Dave bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. Cred is cred, even in this store. “That would defeat the purpose, babe. It’s like a private concert.”

“Music is for everyone, though.” Jade slid the headphones down to her neck. “It’s best when you share it.”

That’s when he thought: I wonder if her island was too quiet.

“Well, out here on the mainland, people want to listen to their own music. Imagine if someone played Katy Perry when you wanted Oren Lavie.”

Jade wrinkled her nose. “Then I’d just blast Her Morning Elegance at them.”

“What if they turn up the volume on Hot n’ Cold?”

“Then I’d just make it louder too!”

“But what’s the point?”

Jade thought about it. “Will I have to get some headphones then?”

Dave shrugged. “We’ve got plenty at the apartment, if you want to try.”

She grinned and hugged him so quickly he didn’t have time to react. She let go just as fast and started sifting through the music selection. He left her to songs she’d only listened to on shitty youtube lyric videos, and picked up a mix CD of Queen (he’d crushed his copy upon re-entry).

The register woman took one look at his shades and pulled out a clipboard, which he signed. “Thanks, Margie.” he said with a flourish.

The woman rolled her eyes, taking a long drag on her cigarette. “Tell your brother to pay the damn tab before the month is out.” She tapped out her ashes on the _No Smoking_ sign that dominated half of the counter. “And tell your little girlfriend that the tab extends to Striders only.”

He nodded and actually started moving away before it clicked. Then he turned so fast he nearly got whiplash. “Jade is _not_ my girlfriend.”

It was at this moment that Jade appeared at the register with three CDs and a record. “Of course not, silly.” she laughed, and spread her purchases on the counter. “Can I get these?”

Margie looked her over. “Don’t get sweet on this boy, you hear?” she snapped. “I’ve been minding him since he was tiny. He’s a handful and a half.”

He glowered.

“What!” Jade gasped. “That’s not true!”

Ah, sweet victory, he thought viciously. He enjoyed the astonishment on Margie’s face, because it wasn’t often that someone didn’t laugh with her when she was putting him down.

Then Jade knocked her hand against the back of his knees and scooped him up. “He’s two handfuls.”

With the dignity of a thirteen year old boy being bridal carried by a thirteen year old girl in the middle of a record shop that he had frequented since he was practically an embryo, Dave locked his fingers around Jade’s neck and said, very quietly, “Fuck you.”

Margie dropped her cigarette and pulled out the clipboard. “I take it back. There’s room on this tab for one more.”

“Great!” Jade put him down, and he quickly scooted a little away. “What’s a tab?”

“I’ll explain later.” he said hastily, curbing the curious look on Margie’s face. Jade signed her name with a curlicue and three smiley faces, and took the receipt almost reverentially.

She turned rigid and stared out the shop front, frozen in the act of pocketing the receipt. She rushed out and he, after a few second’s hesitation, charged after her. A flash of black out of the corner of his eye sent him into a small alleyway where she was sprinting after someone. The man-he was tallish-ran into a dead end. He kept his back to them both as they cut him off.

Jade spread her feet into a fighting stance, and Dave unconsciously mirrored her, flicking out his shitty sword. “What are you doing?” he hissed.

She shushed him, and the man slowly turned around. With an electric shock, Dave noticed rounded aviators, thick eyebrows, white-blond hair-

A Dave maybe ten years older was staring them down, his hands up. His head was tilted towards Jade, looking at Jade, and he opened his mouth, as if to say something. “I-”

Jade tightened her fists and _growled_. Dave hitched up his shoulders because goddamn, she was _loud_ , but Old Dave didn’t bat an eye.

“The perks of being raised by Bec.” he shuffled a little, digging around in his pocket. “Aren’t you gonna ask me when I came from?”

“Why?” It was short, sharp, and sounded halfway between a bark and a snarl.

Old Dave snapped out a ridiculous looking phone. “October 1st, 2018. Boring frat party going on right now, John’s absolutely _shitfaced_.” His hand trembled. “So this sets everything off, huh? Sweet.”

Jade didn’t move. Dave looked from her to Old Dave and back. “Is there something I’m missing?” he asked.

Old Dave flicked his phone in his pocket again. “Not much.” He said, his voice wavering. “Not much at all.” Dave jumped when Old Dave disappeared in a flash of red light.

Dave hefted the plastic bag over his shoulder as Jade sank to her knees. He was at her side in an instant. “You gonna be okay?” he asked, a tiny sliver of panic working into him.

She sighed loudly. “Don’t worry! I still have some dog stuff left, I think. Old you smelt like cat, and cat smells make me feel like puking.” Dave offered his hand, and she swung up, all smiles again.

“Well, we haven’t even looked at a McDonalds’.” He looked around. The architecture of the streets took a few seconds. “You ready?”

She stood in the noonday light with fever-bright eyes and fidgety fingers. “Am I ever!”

\--

Jade took to oily nasty food like a duck to lava. She loved the taste, but she couldn’t stomach more than a mouthful of chicken nuggets at a time, and sodas nearly killed her. She sipped Sprite (“Dave-Sprite!” she gasped, pointing at the menu. He remembered the guy, she was surprised it wasn’t orange) in courageous bursts as they trailed along the ‘cool’ part of Houston. After a few hours of perusing stationary stores, computer gadgets and at one point a bookstore where she was engrossed in a chemistry textbook for a solid hour Dave led them back to the apartment. He entered first, because he had more experience with surprise attacks, and Bro was not present. This was obvious because a spring-loaded shuriken whistled past his hair and embedded with a dull _thuk_ in the door, where on a note Bro said: _I’m not back ’till five. Use protection._

“Cool.” Jade, with difficulty, extracted the knife. “That is the coolest thing ever.”

Dave snatched the note and crumpled it into the trash. _Thank you Bro. You are a goddamn barrel of goddamn laughs._ He made a mental note to switch out Bro’s highly ironic Disney DVDs with Grey’s Anatomy.

“Are Rose and John online, d’you think?” Jade asked, admiring the sharpness of the blade and the inch-deep hole it had made in the wall.

He shrugged. He looked in one of the non-weaponized cupboards and pulled out some aj. “They aren’t usually online now, but then, I’m not usually skipping school. So, who knows?”

Jade wrinkled her nose at the proffered juice, and muttered ‘Howie Mandel’ in explanation. She sprawled onto the couch. “So what do we do now?”

It was late afternoon and the way the sun pushed its rays into her hair and neck and the rims of her glasses ought to have been illegal. It raised an itch in Dave’s fingers, the kind that plunged them in negatives and darkroom fluids, the kind that scratched around the rim of the camera button as his lens aligned. It was the kind that saw the butterscotch gilding on Jade as beautiful, rather than Jade herself, the same way flowers are pretty in a way the vase isn’t. He quickly snapped a photo on his iPhone, not trusting the light to stay if he ran to get his good camera. Jade didn’t notice. He plopped onto the armrest. “Three years of screwing around on a meteor and I don’t know how to waste one afternoon. I am a wreck.”

That startled a laugh out of Jade, and she scooted so that he has space to sit. “We-ell,” she propped her chin on her hand. “What about video games?”

\---

The week passed quickly, encompassing studies of English books, brush-ups in languages (Rose could declaim only passingly in French, Dave had forgotten the sum total of Spanish, but John had his dad help him through Mandarin again), scientific theories and a _lot_ of math.

(At one point, Rose pressed both hands to her head. “I used to be able to see infinite possibilities into the future. Now I can’t even see where one would _use_ the x-coordinates of this equation even if one found them in the first place.”

John moaned in agreement. His ectosis flipped pages of the math textbook like she’d love to flip the table on it. Dave worked on the problem and in five minutes one of them would figure it out.)

Of particular note was the fact that Jade could not cook, Bro still did not have a single culinary bone in him, and it was left to Dave to infrequently buy produce and yet more infrequently make something of it, usually helped by Jade. If Bro was around when they were making dinner he insisted on chopping everything by throwing it in the air and hacking at it with a sword. Though he was brilliantly fast and though the onions had turned out sliced to paper-thinness, Dave had very little patience for it after the fifth time ducking as the katana screeched over his head.

They did not often need to buy food owing to the fact that Jade’s plants produced a _hell_ of a lot of perishables and the fact that Bec would teleport canned fruits and tinned meat infrequently from the island. “I guess he doesn’t want it to go bad.” Jade said, after three more cans would roll onto the dinner table. “I used to worry about it a lot. Maybe he picked that up?”

She said it airily, lightly, the way three years of separation can make you. Dave re-evaluated her, measuring her skinny wrists and jutting elbows (the kind of thin that little girls on islands _get_ when they eat all by themselves, and he has to stop himself from thinking that because she’s alive, isn’t she) against the sixteen-year-old Jade who eats properly (she was plump and laughing, and he was glad because there wasn’t that hollowed-out look of the cadaver about her anymore). If anything, this shrinking has made her seem worse than when he’d first seen her in the snow, dwarfed by the huge trees. As if she felt Dave and Bro’s eyes on her, she grabbed a spam can.

“Oh my god, I _loved_ this as a kid. We can get this in the supermarket, right?” she hefts it for their scrutiny; and it’s just regular spam, the kind that Bro used to cut into little cubes to put in ramen noodles to give them extra flavour. Dave smiles. “Of course. This is _Houston,_ not some hick place in the desert.”

The next day, Bro comes home with a box of the stuff without explanation, and challenges Jade to a sparring match to stop her from thanking him. These were also frequently becoming common, and comforting, in that it wasn’t always Dave this time that had to sweat under the punishing sun.

Usually Bro would stand on the roof silhouetted against the setting sun, pull out his katana with a snicker-snack. “You ready, Harls?”

Jade would be holding a practice sword, guns deemed unwieldy and actually dangerous. Bro usually sparred with the blunt edge of his sword, but there is no blunt edge to a bullet. She stood with the solid posture of a markswoman, completely unlike a swordsman. The first time Bro had announced sparring she’d stood there, tense, holding her sword like a club. She tracked Bro with her eyes, every muscle clutching in wait for the first metal bite.

Dave had gone downstairs to save her embarrassment, and clicked around on webcomics until they were done. He wasn’t surprised when she came down, flopped onto his bed and complained. “He made me stand there for an hour and a half!”

His arms twitched in sympathy. He could remember when he first started training. From what she was describing, it was much the same way.

“He just used the sword to correct my _posture,_ not to kill me! I thought he was going to come at me full speed, jeez.” He swings his chair around and there _is_ a little bit of regret in her big green eyes, Jade _is_ thinking that that was a missed opportunity.

He watched as she slowly sat up, wincing. “He said practice the pose again.” She mumbled, picking up the sword. He noticed that she was holding it correctly now. Good. “I can’t believe standing still can hurt that much.”

“Want some more tips?” Dave grinned, and Jade swatted him, mussing his hair up.

“No!!! God, Striders and their weirdness. I can’t wait until I meet some normal people.” She reaches over him and ticks another day off his calendar, which has gone completely unused in the past few days. “I can’t believe I’m going to a real school on Monday!”

Another idiosyncrasy of this week: Jade counted days like pearls off a string, simultaneously excited enough to put Anne of Green Gables to shame and scared enough to put anyone else to shame. Two days after she’d arrived, she’d start dripping tears. It was the only way to describe it-she doesn’t wail, sob, or cry. She sat there and let big, fat tears roll down her cheeks, and when he’d first freaked out she had withdrawn even more. Jade was terrifying, because only an hour or two later she’d skipped out, all happiness and sunbeams. He’d asked John about it.

turntechgodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 11:13

TG: okay you lived with her for three years  
TG: fess up  
TG: what the fuck is up with jade  
EB: oh god dammit. is she doing the thing where she doesn’t sleep again?   
TG: completely unrelated to my issue but: what  
EB: you remember how she used to sleep all the time?   
EB: she never felt tired because vriska used to put her to sleep like. all the time.   
EB: so then she didn’t know that there was such a thing as a bedtime or scheduled sleeping.   
EB: it took her about three days of crashing whenever she was too tired to stand to figure out how that worked.   
TG: i say again: what  
EB: she likes predetermined sleeping now though!   
TG: okay well that isnt happening. shes being kept on a strict midnight curfew.   
EB: midnight?   
EB: ugh, lucky assholes.  
EB: so whats your problem?   
TG: my problem is that she starts crying out of nowhere and its scaring the shit out of me  
TG: she just unleashes a tearstorm and i have a) no idea what’s setting her off and b) no idea how to stop it and c) no idea how the fuck she puts herself back together again so quickly, my fucking god.   
EB: okay, wow, that never happened on the ship.   
EB: i mean we had some jam sessions where i cried about my dad sometimes and she…hmmm.   
TG: hmm  
TG: i dont like that hmm  
TG: that hmm is going no places fast.   
EB: well i mean. she cried a little bit, the first time around. but she usually just helped me out when i felt down.   
EB: in fact, she didnt even cry when davesprite broke up with her! i found out about it days later. she didnt even seem upset, but she must have been pretty broken up about it at the time.   
EB: im a crappy bro.   
TG: no youre not im a crappy bro  
TG: i literally have no idea how to deal with this other than saying ‘uh wow so is this triggered by that time you killed me, or that time where you killed other people while under mind control, or that other time you died.’   
TG: like if i were an ideas circus i would be booed out of town. shows over you little shits, its all over when the fat lady sings and the only thing i have even closely approximating to a fat lady is bro. and he raps all the fucking time.   
EB: im not even sure where you were trying to go with that metaphor, but maybe you should just talk to her about it?   
EB: you know, human to human?   
EB: she might just be nervous about starting school! hell, im nervous and i actually WENT to school before!   
EB: oh my god im going to have to remember peoples names. shit.   
TG: just smile and wave. like the queen.   
EB: im going to go get the yearbook and start memorizing   
EB: but in the meantime talk to jade okay?   
EB: ill still be online, waiting for you to tell me it actually isnt that big a deal.   
EB: added incentive, im going to pester her in thirty minutes if you dont.   
TG: what are you, my mom  
EB: nah, thats rose.   
TG: ugh fine.   
EB: youre still on this chat window! get thee to the jade-ery.   
TG: have you been re-reading your shakespeare book  
EB: i apparently have an english test next week, so yes. shut up.   
TG: fine

Jade had been quiet as Dave had explained to her that he felt that there was Probably Something Wrong, and that She Could Talk To Him, and other useless platitudes. He’d boned up on them, clicking through various how to sites after John had booted him to action, and he could feel their sticking power much the same way adhesive tape has sticking power after being soaked liberally in water.

For her part, Jade clasped her knee and smiled in a way that tore at him. “I’m just super,” she took a breath, “suuuuuuuuuuuuuper nervous for school.”

He at least knew her well enough to keep still and not talk.

“I mean, I’m getting a teensy bit better outside.” She indicated the window, where the faint buzz of traffic still set him on edge. “But in school I might not have the same classes as you, and I’ll be all alone and there will be people I would have _never_ seen in the clouds or heard of, at least, you know, through letters-” briefly, her knuckles whitened on her knee, as if she was clutching hard onto a fading idea. Poor Jade. Hell, poor Jake. “I just, I. I need time getting used to the idea.” she said finally.

He finally judged it safe to move and sits next to her on the floor, back pressed against the sideboard of her bed. It was wicked cozy in Jade’s room, what with all the plants and soft plushes and the ever-present Bec. His huge fluffy head was pillowed on Jade’s hip, but he opened one big eye and scooted over so that he was sprawled over both of their laps. It was too hot for that much dog, but. There had been many times in Dave’s childhood where he’d begged for weeks on end for a pet, getting either ‘no’, ‘fuck no’ and ‘it would probably die’. He played with Bec’s ear as the dog grudgingly accepted contact.

“Well, if you need to talk, you know where to go.” Dave said finally. Jade bumped his shoulder with hers, and he cracked a smile. “Rose, probably. But, y’know, if you need someone who _isn’t_ gonna psychoanalyze everything, probably me.”

“Of course! I can even talk to John, maybe!” she flung a hand up to cover her mouth, melodramatic. Dave snorted. She giggled and her eyes flicked over to her lunchtop.

He groaned. “Aw, man, no. He prepped you!”

She slid into him, laughing. “Only because he was worried! Prospit wins!”

Dave flipped her off, and she responded in kind. The next day, he’d be upside down on the sofa reading out snippets of _To Kill A Mockingbird_ and she’d be all smiles. The day after that, she’d be chaperoned to buy clothes and school supplies. And the day after that, it was time for school.

 


End file.
